You know how it is: you’re sitting at your office desk pushing in the same 10,000 digits you’ve pushed the day before, and the day before that, or you’re working behind a counter serving asshole, unappreciative customers who would rather see you die than acknowledge you as a fellow human being by saying hello or smiling. Perhaps you’re shopping at the local grocery store with two screaming kids – one has a shitty nappy – trying to compete with how much everything in price has gone up while the money in your wallet continues to go down.
All these scenarios and dozens more, have a common thread.
You just don’t want to be there today.
Right?
Well… wouldn’t it be nice…
…. if we lived in a world that was similar to the good old days of the Hollywood musical.
Besides blowing someone’s head off, have you ever fantasised about what it would be like to throw down that keyboard and mouse, push the screaming kids and shopping trolley away, get the price code scanner and stick it up the customer’s ass and break into song?
Well damn, I know I will.
The world would indeed be a better place if we all had a chance to be Gene Kelly and re-enact the best bits from the film, An American In Paris. I can see it now: you jump over the counter, your customers, shocked at first by the break in protocol, take a step back in amazement.
Then, after you get out your tap dancing rhythm and your first few lines of some 50s heartfelt song, they would join in and surprise us all by knowing the same dance steps as you as well as the words to the song you supposedly just made up.
There would be no more asshole customers, no screaming kids, no one stealing or doing anything the slightest bit negative in your shop. Your seemingly grey, mundane surroundings and all the things that made you sad, depressed and messed up have all gone Technicolor, bright and sunshiney. Everyone would be happy, everyone would be all smiles and before you knew it, your dancing would have caught on and flooded into the street.
Back at the grocery store, trolleys have become a conga line down aisle four pushed by middle-aged housewives, swinging to a Rumba beat and shaking their butts in unison. There is not a baby crying in sight. The smell of soiled nappies has been replaced by fruit and coconut oil, steamers and confetti pour from the ceilings. Old balding shop managers and other once-bitchy staff are parading with pineapples and other fruits.
In your small office space, you sing your song of rebellion, throwing three years of data entry in the air. Fax rolls, now airborne streamers, remind you of a 1930’s ticket tape parade, and once nerdy looking female office staff now look surprising secretarial-like sexy. Meanwhile, three guys over in accounts start making a techno beat on oversized calculators. As you, master of the mouse and the pocket protector break into your rebellious tune about “not taking it anymore”, you find your voice has support. Where you thought you were the only one stuck in this shitty job, you find thousands behind you all rallying support, once again surprisingly knowing the worlds of your song.
All scenarios would build to a classic and great MGM triumphant crescendo, with dancing girls, balloons, even the milkman parading and building up this last breath of sound, music and celebration. You think to yourself: “Am I topping the ending of the Muppets theme song?”
This last note would mean you had found your purpose, found the answer to the question that had plague your existence, an answer to your loneliness, maybe you even got the girl (or guy) in the end.
But what happens next…
In the musical, that’s it.
We end on a happy note.
The End Credits roll…
FADE TO BLACK…
But in real life, there isn’t a real resolution. We are just led to believe that they all lived happily ever after and that the world is a better place now that our Gene Kelly performance impressed everyone. So, what does happen?
Your group of strangers, very talented in their song and dance but strangers nonetheless, would all catch their breath, look at each other, talk about how talented they all were but didn’t know it. Go to the pub and exchange phone numbers, perhaps. But at the end of the day, your strangers would go back to what they did before you decided to do your best Gene Kelly. They traipse back to the thing that pissed them off and made them unhappy, and sadly…
…so do you.
But we can dream, can’t we?
I still hold onto hope that one day, drunk or not, either I or one of my crazy friends will do a Gene in a public place. I know no one would join in but hey, it would be worth it just to see.
I guess when you’re not happy in a relationship and you’re not yet ready to call it off for whatever reason, you start to remember all of the things that made you happy, and all the positive things that made you who you were when you went into the relationship to begin with.
Ask yourself, how good was it when you first met this girl? The sex was the best; the two of you were fucking like minks, doing it what felt like 100 times a day in every place imaginable. Not a care in the world. You remember, waking up after a long night of hot, sweaty sex and then deciding it was easier to keep doing it again all day long than to have a shower and get dressed. You would only break for the toilet or some quick refreshments, but then realising the kitchen table needed to be tried out as well… They were the best of times, everything else didn’t matter. You never worried about the phone, the bills, what was on the news. All you cared about was the sex and what position to do next.
But what happened?
Where did you go wrong?
Soon sex becomes less frequent, soon it becomes more one-sided and more of a chore for her. She starts to complain because you’re taking too long and that you have to hurry up because the dishes need to be done. A friend or relative is coming over for dinner, the news or popular trashy soap opera was about to begin, or more importantly, there’s the matter of the electricity bill.
If you eventually have a kid the sex becomes almost non-existent and you basically have to bribe, con or blackmail your way back into the bed. By the time sex does come around, it’s usually in the form of a birthday present of which you now have to be grateful. You’re so happy you are going to get your rocks off that missionary or doggy will do just fine.
There’s no time for the good old fashioned marathons, no time for numbers 1 to 101 of the best sexual positions. Just get your load off pal. As years pass and this continues, your hair falls out or goes grey, you put on weight and she starts to complain that her sex life is suffering. Basically she is saying “I don’t find you very attractive anymore, you aren’t the man I fell in love with.”
By the time you’re 40 they call it a mid life crisis… but what if you’re younger? I like the idea of a relationship in the ‘honeymoon period’ starting off small. The friendship develops gradually as you enjoy getting to know one another. Sex is then something that happens when the time is right; you’re caught up in a moment where the sex is great and ‘well earned’.
The best part about it; it only gets better from there. A relationship like this would be the best of times… If your relationship has headed down this path then you’re onto something good. However, if it’s heading down the path of banality, you can kiss all the former little pleasures of your sexual relationship goodbye. This includes oral sex. It’s time to think about what lead you down this path. There is no use dwelling on who is at fault, or how busy your partner’s working life is.
There should always be time for that passion and physical connection that was a contributing factor to your attraction to each other in the first place. You start to think what it was like when you were fitter, more Virile, and lasted longer than the 10 minutes that has become the status quo. You start to remember all your past glories, the good, the bad and the extremely ugly.
You start to compare notes and decide to create a book or blog about it.
When talking about the feelings two people have towards each other, what defines what some call a ‘CONNECTION’ between the two parties?
I was told by a female I liked one time that there was no ‘CONNECTION’ between the two of us. I understood what she meant, but after a while thought about it and realised it was a bit of crappy and overused brush off line.
So what is this ‘CONNECTION’? Is it something like the soul, which you can’t actually put your finger on, but you know it’s there and when it’s not?
Now, surely, when two people like each other, it means there is a ‘CONNECTION’ there, right? ; Because if there wasn’t, then there wouldn’t be a “CONNECTION”.
Maybe it’s a different kind of ‘CONNECTION’ or perhaps there’s a scale of 1 to 10 of what defines connect-ability when talking about the overall “CONNECTION” thing. So lets say, for arguments sake to find a perfect ‘CONNECTION’ with someone you need a score equal to, or greater than 10.
So, with that in mind, if you like someone then you get a ‘CONNECTION’ score of 3 out of 10; because there can’t be any sort of “CONNECTION” if you don’t even like the person. If you enjoy each other’s company, then surely there’s an added ‘CONNECTION’ there so a score of 2 out of 10 should be granted.
So what else…?
If the person makes you smile, happy when times are tough and is willing to be there for you when shit’s hitting the fan, then that should be rewarded with a 3 / 10 as well. But back to the main question, what defines a ‘CONNECTION’? If you have had sex with the person, did it feel just like sex or was there something more to it? If you felt it was something more, something spiritual, powerful and uplifting than that’s a definite 5/10.
So far we have got to around 13 points out of a possible 10… And we haven’t even gotten all deep and meaningful yet. Does a ‘CONNECTION’ mean that you can see yourself waking up with this person everyday for the rest of your life?
Does a ‘CONNECTION’ represent your life with them, whether you do or do not see yourself going for walks, camping, gardening, or having all-nighters just chatting and enjoying each other’s company?
Does his or her dress sense, hygiene, religious or
political beliefs and previous baggage help determine a ‘CONNECTION’? I personally think it shouldn’t…
Thinking about it, I personally think that when it comes to a ‘CONNECTION” with someone, it’s depends on what you let rule your decision making. If you lead with your head, you may think differently than you would if you ran with your heart. Your head would be filled with what others, society and sometimes common sense tells you to do. Believe me; even common sense can get it wrong.
I believe you should go with what your heart tells you. No matter what the cost.
It seems to me that it’s your heart and not your head that should determine whether the so called ‘CONNECTION’ is there.
Whether it’s invisible or rests in that section of the body that’s right next to your soul, it’s your heart that keeps you alive, and as Roxette says… you should listen to it.
Ae you confused? That was the point.
The Final Lesson: Put It All Together and Shake
If you are half intelligent, you should already have put all of this together.
In short, if you have a positive attitude, and are a positive person, people will want to meet you and talk to you. The more people you talk to the more chance you will have of meeting someone who will be able to help you reach the goal(s). If you are a kind person, people will be more inclined to do something for you. Consider this old truism: no act of kindest will ever go unnoticed. To stay positive you really have to air your problems out, get them out of the way. My girlfriend and I are dying to have a fight, but the problem is, we are constantly talking about our concerns and thoughts, no matter how trivial or unimportant. We even thought about having a fight about not fighting, but even we thought that would be stretching it. One day we will, but in all seriousness, we don’t really want it to happen, but you know…
So with this approach,
Positive thinking and a positive attitude will very much:
Get you a girlfriend / boyfriend and yes, get you laid.
Get You Work
Pay your bills
Allow you to meet new people
And most importantly,
Keep you alive, healthy and happy.
But here’s the best bit:
You know those self-help videos and books that interview all the successful people, smiling with their pure white teeth, big boobs, and parading around in their mansions and driving their Ferraris? Well here’s my success story… well lets just say it’s a more realistic success story.
By adopting the above method, in just the last 12 months alone, I have come a long way and I can safely say that I feel it works. I don’t have a million dollars in the bank and I don’t drive a flashy car. Hell, I only just got my L’s. But back in late 2006, I started writing again, as a way to express myself and to get rid of some stress. I was really broke, and had more bills than you can imagine. I still have bills, but I am on top of them, and I have a car that is mine.
I started talking more to the customers at the shop and was, and still am, genuinely interested in things they have to say. Before I knew it, I was being invited over for dinners, dates, weddings, drinks, and other cool social things. I developed a new range of friends and acquaintances.
I started cutting back on the things that were stressing me and taking up too much of my time. Writing became my main focus; my other creative endeavours such as the radio show and filmmaking took a back seat. My writing started to cause a sensation; with websites like MySpace, eliciting both positive and negative responses. My writing even inspired more people to write themselves and to promote commentaries on issues that I raised. Because of my writing I ended up meeting the woman who has become my true love, and my greatest fan.
When I decided to write this book, it seemed like an unreachable goal, at the time I didn’t have the money to cover the costs of making the book, and the way I saved money at the time made most of my friends and family laugh at the notion I could pull it off.
Despite this obstacle, I decided to see how close I could come to this unreachable goal. I started writing and behaving like the book would come out, I even set a deadline. With just two months to spare, I still didn’t have the funds. I then called printing firms and got quotes. The quotes became cheaper and cheaper, and I found the company that best suited my needs. I now had a price to aim for.
When I did the budget, I realised the allocated amount I had to save up per week was way more than I was even making at the shop. But I kept up. I implemented a backup plan that consisted of me selling off a large amount of my DVD collection to raise anywhere up to $4000 if I needed to. It would be a sad day if it came to that, but I was determined to put out this book.
Soon, things started happening. I started getting job offers from other people, I changed my spending patterns and diet again and cut back on some luxuries. Everything started to come together. I soon found out that a customer who became a friend worked for a printing firm. They said that they could also print my book and they ended up giving me the best quote I had gotten so far.
Then Jennifer Brown came along and started helping out with the editing, people who I showed bits and pieces of the book to also started showing excitement and genuine interest. This, in turn, got both of us excited and made us realise that we were onto something. People who had never said a thing before started asking when the book was coming out, and before I knew it, the money just started turning up. An odd job here, a computer repair there, a few DVDs sold elsewhere, it all came together. And it’s all come to this. What you are holding in your hand.
I said to my friends that if I sold one book I would be happy. But everyone thought I was being pessimistic. But I wasn’t, what I meant is that, even if I sold just one book, it would validate the entire process. So dear reader, I thank you. Dreams do come true. And now….You can use this toilet book As entertainment on the potty or as toilet paper.
The choice is yours. But don’t be a cheapskate, if you like the book, for either reason, don’t give it to anyone else to read or …umm…use… Get them to buy their own copy.
I still have 4 kids to feed and bills too you know…
This article was previously published in 2007 in the book “Interpreted Wisdom”
which is still available to buy from this site.
The Second Lesson: Be Kind
Why be an asshole? After all these years, I really do believe in a type of karma principle. I feel, although it’s much easier to be mean and bad towards your fellow human being, it’s just more rewarding to be nice and friendly. Admittedly there are some assholes in this world, and yes, Maitland has a few that you wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire. But for every asshole, there are a handful of nice people who are worth the effort. Don’t give up being kind to others because of a few bad apples. I start off being kind to everyone I meet.
My principle:
if I have it, or can do it, and I can share it, and spare it, then I will give it. I don’t do it thinking that I should expect something in return. If anything, I get embarrassed if someone gives me a gift after I have given them something.
Don’t get me started on Christmas. What I do believe though is that one day I might have to call on that person, or because of my kindness, maybe karma will step in, and a stranger will offer me a token of that same kindness when I need it most.
So far this way of thinking has been good to my well being. I love giving, but I had to learn when to pull back as there is a time when you can give too much to a person, and they don’t appreciate it, or have started taking advantage of the situation. They keep sucking it out of you with never any hint of passing it on.
When this happens, pull back, still be nice, kind, be yourself, but focus your attentions elsewhere, as they will actually start to drain you.
One piece of wisdom my step mother told me when I was a boy, still stays true to this day, and I have actually experienced it. People do come back into your life later on, and usually under completely different circumstances.
She said “Boy, be careful who you disrespect and give cheek to now, as they might end up being your potential employer or even your father in law, later in life”
And I have stuck to that ever since, and you know,
sometimes it has been me who has come face to face with some jerkoff at school, the town dickhead, or some feral thart did some despicable thing that I thought I could never get over, and now I hold the key, for whatever reason to allow him to get to where they are going. Whether that be a job, a membership or asking for cab fare. I could just as easierly tell them all to fuck off. But I don’t, I’ll let karma sort them out.
A Positive Attitude
Now this is a hard one, but it gets easier, especially when you start to see the signs and block any unwanted intrusions.
Life sucks, it really can suck the big one, and yes, shit does happen and it sometimes doesn’t have to hit the fan before your about to drop all your marbles and get your free admission to a lonely bin. Getting down, getting upset is unavoidable, we all have to get upset sometimes, and sometimes it’s good to kill and break things. Okay, kidding about the break things.
Anyway, If your gonna get angry, go outside, walk it off, or break something. Don’t take it out on another person. It doesn’t help the situation and most of the time if it was an argument, its usually over something small and trivial and the damage it causes to a friendship or even a relationship could be disastrous and potentially end in separation.
Ways to stop getting angry, or how to disarm.
As I said, If you are already angry, go for a walk, or break something, punch something, de-stress. The easiest way is to get away from the cause as quickly as possible. When you have calmed down, go back in the fire and work out the best way to bring it down. To avoid getting angry and maintaining a positive attitude is to avoid the signs and things that could cause any potential arguments or stress.
Firstly:
Keep the hell away from stressed out people and environments. I don’t care if your getting paid $3000 a week doing a 9 to 5 job. If you’re stressed it aint bloody worth it. The stress will take it’s toll on your mind and your body, and before you know it, like me, you will end up in a hospital with stress related injuries.
Can anyone say ulcer.
If you’re a family person, this situation affects your family life which in turn makes your stress factor even worse, as you now added an unhappy relationship and family to the equation. And, like cancer, it builds on lack of sleep, diet, – all comes into play.
My father, I love him to death was a great example. Every morning, as he was driving me to work, like clockwork he will stress about how bad his life is and all the commitments he has, and not enough time or money to fulfill them. It would constantly get me down, and really piss me off. I would never say anything to him because I was grateful for him taking time out of his busy day to give me a lift to work. But what he didn’t know was that his negativity would stay with me for hours, and ruin the first half of my day. The time came when I took control of the situation and said to him, that I loved him, but for fuck’s sake get out of this rut, you got to stop bringing yourself down, stop thinking bad about yourself and start thinking of ways to make things better.
My boss used to do the same thing, and would constantly throw his negative problems and stresses onto me like a football. He did this because he felt that while I wasn’t stressing too, like him, because the business climent was bad, he felt he had to constantly remind me how bad it was. Once again, after months of getting stress overload, and taking on his problems, my Dads problems, my own personal and financial problems, I finally had enough, or rather my body had enough and put me into hospital. It was my body’s way of saying, okay time to chill out and re-assess how I’m doing things. Stomach cramps and infections caused by bad diet and stress, put me on my ass for nearly two weeks, and trust me I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
The perfect wake up call.
I did the same thing to my boss as I did to my father. I told him I appreciated his situation and I was there to help. But I will not tolerate any further negativity and stress, I didn’t need this, and there had to be a way we could sort it out without having to get upset and worrying about it.
Many people stress about paying the bills, they always seem to come up at the worst times. A friend of mine who has the same thoughts as I (he’s the car parking fella I was telling you about earlier.) He said to me once,
“You know, everyone stresses about bills coming in and how they are going to pay them, yet they always seem to get paid, one way or another”. He was right, we spend so much time worrying about it, that at the end of the day they still get paid and all that stress was for nothing.
A boss of mine once said something similar,
He said to a fellow employee, “If you’re worrying about something, take time out, sit yourself down in the corner somewhere and simply worry for about half an hour. Then, when you’re half an hour is up, write down what you’ve accomplished.”
The answer is obviously nothing.
How do you stop stressing and getting angry?
Easy. Talk about it when it first happens, don’t stew on it until you are genuinely worried and, dare I say it, stressing.
As I said earlier, most arguments are usually realised after the fact and traced back to something petty and trivial, something that was given too much time to brew and becomes blown out of proportion.
Yet, if you had a problem, an issue, or a concern, it would be better to talk to your significant other, family member, or your boss or whoever the hell it is as soon as it becomes an issue or concern, because it will fester and be harder to deal with later. When you think about it, how much more satisfying is it when you do actually talk to someone about something that concerns you, and you immediately realise that you had nothing to worry about to begin with?
Exactly.
Now lovebirds, this approach applies to you too.
Have a look at the wedding section in any Sydney newspaper. You know the part with all the new mug shots of the fresh-faced brides and grooms on their wedding day. The papers usually have a special wedding photo and small piece about some older couple who are celebrating their 300 year wedding anniversary. Not only are oldies both alive, they are still smiling and still obviously in love.
Okay, you still with me?
9 out of the 10 oldies that they interview say that the secret to their successful marriage is communication. Some even go as far to say is that they always settle their arguments before they go to bed at night, and will always say I love you before going to sleep. It’s soppy I know, but yet, so beautiful. After so many years together their marriage obviously still works and, you know what? They’re not only happy in love, they are happy in general, and THEY ARE STILL ALIVE. This tells me that they are living relatively stress free lives. Why? Because they communicate and talk about their problems to each other. That’s what wives, lovers, and friends are for.
So to keep positive, you have to stay away from the negative. Obviously. Keep away from negative people, negative energies and environments. They will only bring you down. The more positive people you hang around with, the more positive your life will become.
Think about it, if you have the shits and you’re angry with the world, how many people are going to come up to you and or even want to confront you?
Exactly, if you have a smile on your face, you’ll be surprised how many people will give you the time of the day. This goes back to what I said earlier, the more people you socialise with, meet and greet and talk to, the greater the chances are that you will meet the person who will give or show you the answer or hold the key to you reaching your personal goal. Or, they may even be the lover you’ve been waiting for.
This Article Concludes in Part Three
So you’ve finally been able to get a date, it’s all gravy now right? Wrong. You haven’t even gone on the date and the possible mind field of games is about to present itself to you. Thankfully I haven’t personally experienced what they call a broken date, but it’s up there as a perfect example of a woman’s mind game when it comes to dating. Your lady friend breaks the organised date with you at the absolute last minute, and a poor excuse for an excuse usually follows.
In some cases women are skilful enough to turn this around, and make it seem like it’s your fault that the date collided with whatever unexpected thing has caused her to be late. Another slight variation on this scenario is that she doesn’t even show up at the date at all, leaves you at the restaurant table waiting, without a hint of a sorry or an excuse.
Once again it’s a relationship power play. She’s trying to fish out who’s got the balls in the relationship and wants to see if you are gonna let her treat you this way by seeing if you’re willing to run and chase after her.
It’s basically about how desperate you are to have her in your life and whether you can handle a relationship on her time, and with her rules. If you go chasing after her, she knows she has you and you once again, you become her bitch.
We are going on a date, FINALLY.
The date is on, you agree to pick her up at 6:30 for the 7.00 dinner at a nice Indian restaurant. You feel if you pick her up there’s no excuse for her to be late and besides you will have a better time trying to navigate the date.
But alas, she’s late or not ready when you pick her up for the date. Furthermore, this becomes a recurring issue, even when you try and pick her up earlier or make the dinner later to try and compensate this lateness.
You see, she’s trying to figure out how much she can get away with. Once again she’s trying her best to call the shots, rather than compromise and let you have a chance to take the driver’s seat. Like in previous scenarios it’s all about her testing how interested you are and how far you will go to prove it.
If she makes you wait for her, it means once and for all that she values her time more than she does yours. In all fairness to women, this situation also applies to friends in general as well. If they are always going to make you wait, then they obviously think less of you. Yet a relationship is basically the greatest friendship of all, so there you go. You really do need to see these signs.
As Chilli Palmer says in the film Be Cool, “If you’re important, people will wait for you.” Well if you are on the other side of that statement and there’s a 7.00 dinner appointment, both of you will be waiting for another table if you’re late. That is, if there’s even one available.
The Expensive dates
Some women, like some guys I know, will only go out with you if you make it worth their while. There are some women out there that if you can present yourself as a person with money, or rather a person with some money to spend then you might get their attention. If your pockets are bottomless then you will have her for a long while yet, but if you are just an average Joe with some savings to take advantage of, then your date will be a used-by one.
There are some girls who will want to experience the high life or at least the notion of it, and want to go to the most expensive restaurants, the most exclusive clubs and the hottest plays or concerts. The thing is you are the one expected to pay for it. Yes, we hear all about fairness and equal opportunities for women and everything being done right down the middle. But at the end of the day women usually go quiet when it comes to being pampered or doted upon, especially when it’s a fancy restaurant, for example.
Don’t get me wrong: a lot of women would love this, and as a guy it does feel good to put on a nice show for a woman you really like and honestly deserves to be spoilt. There are some special ladies out there who would actually appreciate the attention and totally understand that what you are doing is an equally special gesture and is not to be expected all the time.
But the other women – the users, the ones you should not have taken on an expensive date because you are wasting your time – know that if you don’t fork over the cash, you won’t have a prayer of getting her into bed.
To make matters worse, she might even do this if she has unequivocally no intention of having sex with you.
If you have already shown her that you find her sexually attractive, you may as well give her your credit card, the keys to your car and the papers for the house, as she now knows how to get it all.
No sex please, we’re British
Another mind game is what the “About men” website calls the serial flirt and the ‘no sex please’ scenario.
Firstly, you might think you’re finally going to get lucky with the woman you’ve spent close to your life savings on. She’s getting you all hot and bothered, but before you know it, she backs off and basically you end up with blue balls and she’s either on the couch watching TV or out the door.
The only sex that will be happing that night will be “Sex and the City”. This is another example of manipulation and exultation of her sexual power over you, plain and simple. She might also play this game to extract more cash from your wallet, but it doesn’t stop her from flirting with other guys in front of you, whether it is your best mate who’s come over to visit or a nameless fellow at a place you two have gone out to.
What she’s doing is testing to see how interested you are and underscoring the fact that she’s sexually desirable to other men, so if you want a piece of this, you really have to prove you’re worth it.
Self help books have been around for a long time. There are heaps; everything from the classics “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to the most recent bestseller “The Secret”.
Like a lot of beliefs, including both spiritual and religious, one can take the best bits from all the different theories and ideals and create their own way of thinking and receive their own personal enlightenment.
For example, ‘How to win friends …’ is basically a guide on how to better yourself as a person so that others will take you seriously, appreciate you and in turn make your own life a better one. But ‘THE SECRET’ is about personal growth and how to get what you want.
The controversial side of ‘THE SECRET’ is that you have to basically wish for the thing that you so dearly want, create a dedicated mindset until you are convinced that you already have it, and it will magically materialise, or rather, the universe will somehow make it happen for you.
I personally don’t believe it works like that; but the one aspect, the one major ingredient to the power of THE SECRET I do believe in, is positive thinking… but not in the way that you might think.
Brendan’s Secret behind THE SECRET
Dreaming and wishful thinking is one thing, but I think wishing for something, or behaving as though you have already got the Ferrari in the garage is not only wrong, but unhealthy. Setting goals whether unrealistic or the real deal is good though; everyone needs to have and aim. Even unrealistic goals force you to achieve something, right? So reaching anything greater than what you started off with has to be a positive and rewarding thing.
The way I see it… if you sit on your arse all day long and just THINK that you’re a millionaire, and that the universe is magically going to make that a reality for you; I think you’re in a universe of your own, or at least on another planet. As they say, for every action there is a reaction.
Therefore, THE SECRET’S notion of staring at the pearl necklace in the shop window and acting as if it’s already yours isn’t going to be enough, you actually have to do “something” about it.
What that “something” is, is what I’m going to tell you about.
Will Positive Thinking Will Get You A Car Space?
How many people do you know believe that positive thinking will get you a car space? I know of one chap who, on his way into town, tells himself or his god that HE WILL HAVE A CAR SPACE OUT THE FRONT OF THIS or THAT SHOP and it happens. I guess it’s about faith and how much you’re willing to put in, because sometimes it doesn’t happen and it is put down to him being too early.
Positive energy and an equally positive mindset have a lot to do with my secret behind ‘The Secret’ which leads me to…
Brendan’s How to Win Friends & Influence People
I am usually a shy kind of guy, although you would never know it. I can get so shy that even if I see a relative or a good friend, I will walk over to the other side of the street just to avoid a confrontation. It’s not because I don’t like them. I love them to death; I just hate confrontation with people – both good and bad. The other thing is I hate the awkward silences that usually happen sometime after “hello”.
Yet, when I am behind the shop counter serving I seem to feel more at home and the interaction with the customers is fun. There’s no time for awkward silences. It is this interaction with all the different walks of life in the shop that forced me to develop the skills I have now. It has made me appreciate others on an entirely new level, made me a better person, allowed me to meet new friends and has let me take networking to a whole new level. It has also allowed me to experience some personal success.
The First Skill: Listen
It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s your most powerful tool and weapon. Everyone loves to hear themselves talk.
Listening will not only allow you to learn something and dare I say it, give you some wisdom to interpret – about life, the universe and everything – but you will also get to learn more about the person who is talking. If it’s a stranger, then you could end up finding the person disgusting or interesting enough that you may have just planted a seed to a new potential friendship in the process.
If that is what you want.
If it’s a girl (or guy) you think is interesting, then the trick is to keep her talking. The more she talks the more she will think what a great guy you are. You will learn about what she likes, dislikes, and this will prove useful later on.
If you keep your cool, you can also find out if it’s worth pursuing and work out if she might actually be interested in you without leaving yourself open, looking like an idiot and most importantly not embarrassing yourself if she said no to a date, allowing you to still hold your head up and still speak to her. Listen and learn. Learn about the person you are talking with: you might actually find them interesting enough to pursue the friendship and collaborate on a project together. Before you know it, they will talk about you to others, who will in turn come in and talk to you and the process starts all over again.
The more you talk, the more you will not only find things in common with a number of new faces but you might end up knowing the same people. This in turn allows a new level of communication. The more new faces, the more new friendships built and the more chances of meeting the person who might have the answer or hold the solution to that success you are looking for.
Remember, people need people. Even the richest person in the world still needed help, still needed people to help him or her get to where they are. No one will do you a good turn unless you deserve it. One thing I have learnt is that the quality of the job is usually better if the person who’s doing the work likes you, or thinks positively about you. Respect and appreciate your fellow man, and the quality of the work, communication and interaction will usually be high quality.
Which brings me to Part Two:
Anyone who has hired a DVD or Blu-ray movie has come across those annoying announcements about how movie pirating is not only bad, and illegal, but it’s affecting the local film industry. Not only do pirates support terrorism (and from the local ads) but these pirates started out as bit torrent loving, bag snatching shoplifters, but it’s stoping filmmaking’s from making more movies because it robs them of any income they might have got from legal sales etc.
They say that we have to buy the genuine article because the sales, even for big budget American releases will support our local economy and thus allow more Australian filmmakers to get their work out there.
The problem is, we would all love to do that, but we don’t have enough money to do so. So with what money we do have, we usually make our choices wiser and make sure we are going to get quality product for our buck.
With the advent of each new technology in the way of media formats, there is always the notion of double dipping, i.e Companies making you shell out that hard earn cash to buy a copy of the movie you have already bought, except on a more superior format. But changing from VHS to DVD and now DVD to Blu-ray is a fair sort of excuse to buy the same movie more than once because as I said, you are getting a better quality version of a product. The whole debate on the evil side of double dipping from the studios is an entirely different tale to be told. How many special editions, extended editions, director’s cuts and anniversary editions does one need.
I personally have that many versions of the star wars saga on too many formats to mention. We’ll talk about that one later.
Although it’s almost certain to make money, the argument for all these alternative versions and special editions is to give consumers the incentive to buy the original product and be rewarded with extras. Digital copies of movies are now being bundled with DVD/Blu Ray titles so to keep up with the growing popularity of people pirating the movies to use on ipods and other portable devices. Another way it seems here in Australia (and the obviously the U.S) to try and cut down the piracy that’s happening is to make the window between the theatrical run and being available for sale in shops a smaller one. Gone are the days of RENTAL only titles and a wait for another 6 months for it to be available for sale. As soon as the movie is release to the public on DVD /BLU-RAY you can rent or buy it, basically done in the same manner as music cds.
The window is getting smaller because the world is a smaller place; the internet has made it so much easier to order DVD’S and Blu-ray titles online and although the DVD revolution had the world broken up into REGION CODES as a way to stop people getting titles before they were entitled to them because of their region. It didn’t take long for people to work a way around it. The Blu-Ray generation uses a REGION CODE like setup but it seems a lot more relaxed now than previous attempts, as a lot of American made versions of films are MULTI-REGION.
Although the window between a theatrical release of a movie and being available to buy might be getting smaller, and in some cases if it’s a big budget film like a Star Wars Movie being released on DVD, it’s pretty much a universal world wide release date, hell being down under means we get it before the US does even if its only by hours
Now here’s where it all comes together. If we can get the same product here in Australia why would we ever want to buy overseas?. Especially when we are supposed to be supporting local distributors, artists and more importantly supporting the Australian economy?
From my own experience, movies that aren’t quiet of the same calibre of say Lord Of The Rings or Star Wars, get released now in the U.S around a month before we get it down under.
Recent examples would be Confessions of a Shopoholic which was released on the 23rd June, 2009 in the U.S and will be released down under on the 5th August. Wolverine a big budget action flick from fox will be released on the 15th September in the U.S but we have to wait just over a month on October 14th to see our own Hugh Jackman do his claw thing.
Now being patient is one thing, but there are two other factors that I, as a DVD fan and customer get a bit concern about. At the time of writing I can pre-order wolverine for example from Amazon.com in the U.S for $16.99US which works out to about $20.00AU (I used the currency converter). The Australian 2xDVD release, that I have to wait a month for has a RRP of $39.95 (probably about $34.95 when the k-mart like chain stores get their hands on it) but none the less, it is almost double the costs. I know there would be postage costs involved, but no matter the price, I would still get change out of $40.00 AU, and I would have the movie sooner. Yet some slightly lower grade films or films not staring Will Smith or Tom Cruise where only a minority of people would be interested, still get a great release in the states (obviously even the minorities is a large number over there) take forever to reach our Australian shores and in some cases don’t even get there. Hal Hartley’s 2006 sequel to his brilliant film “Henry Fool”, “Fay Grimm” was released in the U.S back in 2007 and it’s still not available here. Likewise, Weird Al Yankovic’s cult classic “U.H.F” or what we Aussies know as The Vidiot From U.H.F has never been released here and never will. When I spoke about this to the Weird Al camp years back, they said that it wasn’t an issue because they felt that their fans are mostly internet geeks and if they want a copy of the film they’ll buy it online. So how can you support the local version of dvds when they aren’t available. That could be a reason why so many try and find a downloadable version instead.
I’m not a fan of digital downloads because I like to show my building collection off to friends, if you pay for something, you want to have something physical to show for it. So importing titles such as these or buying them from the likes of eBay seem to be the only option.
But what about these titles those are available or soon will be?
Hey, I can be patient, and I don’t mind paying a little extra to support my local economy. But as a DVD fan, I don’t like missing out on something my American friends are getting when it comes to features and bonus content and this is before any SPECIAL EDITION that usually turns up 12 months later after the initial release this double dipping can be frustrating the best of times. I love my movies, but I really enjoy documentaries and behind the scenes stuff like special effects break downs. I think they are a great tool for amateur filmmakers. Robert Rodriquez’s 10 minute film schools are the best source of information and influence on anyone wanting to get behind a camera.
When blu-ray came on the scene we were promised even more state of the art features, just like the dawn of the DVD revolution. Yet it took titles like the original Matrix to be release on DVD years back (after hundreds of single layer bare bones titles, remember those card board single layer Warner brothers titles.) for us to actually experience what the DVD people were promising. You remember, follow the white rabbit special features etc. The same thing has happened with Blu-ray.
We have been told that blu-ray is so much more superior than DVD in both picture quality and sound. But blu-ray titles where supposed to be able to push the special features side of things to a whole new ballgame. The problem is, like DVD previously, we have been bombarded with simple movie only titles (can you smell a special edition coming soon near you) with titles that offer special features, suppling material that was basically the same as what available on the previous DVD release. So if you have that special edition version on DVD, there’s no major incentive to buy the Blu-ray version to replace it.
So when I heard of the July 30th Release of Zack Snyder’s WATCHMEN on blu-ray in Australia it was with great anticipation and excitement. Not only because it was one of my favourites films of the past year. The Blu-ray release in particular promised not only an extra 24 minute director’s cut version of the film, but a new state-of-the-art special feature that’s not your typical director’s commentary. Instead we get what some are calling a “Director Walk-On”. This means that while you’re watching the film in this particular mode, the director actually comes up stepping in front of the screen and offering some opinions and video insight. Unlike a standard audio commentary, Snyder can pause or rewind segments that need greater focus as well as link to various featurettes or still images.
This is what blu-ray is all about, and with this release of WATCHMEN, the benchmark had been made. Although the Director’s cut was released in the U.S on the 21st July 2009 for $19.95US, I decided to wait the few extra days and get it locally.
The problem was the 30th July release date couldn’t come quick enough, promos and features about the blu-ray release only made way for more excitement. From what I read online, there would be a definitive version coming out near Christmas. But I didn’t care, because these features we said not to be part of that version.
Today, the 30th July, I purchased my copy of WATCHMEN on Blu-ray, I was more focused on making sure I got the blu-ray rather than the 2 Disc DVD version that I didn’t noticed that the words DIRECTOR’S CUT was missing from the front cover I had seen online so many times prior.
When I placed the first disc into the player I couldn’t find any special features, ie, the directory walk on, Hell I couldn’t even find a commentary. I was starting to worry. I looked for any clue of easter eggs that might unlock it, yet couldn’t find a thing. I checked the packaging, nothing. I placed the second Blu-ray disc in the drive, thinking perhaps such a brilliant feature might need it’s own disc. But no, just the standard Press-Kit like features we see of late.
At first I was in denial, thinking I must be doing something wrong, I then got onto the internet and found that I wasn’t the only one that got caught. My denial became anger. When I came to terms that Australian has missed out on some truly amazing features, I felted ripped off. I took it for granted that we were going to get the same version that was the standard dvd version in the U.S. I took it for granted that such a revolutionary feature like the director’s walk on would be the most brilliant selling point for the distributor’s down under and that they wouldn’t dream of not exploiting it.
The problem for me was that I was stuck with a blu-ray that wasn’t what I wanted, I now realised I couldn’t take the Blu-ray back because technically there isn’t anything wrong with the disc. Neither was there any false advertising, everything on the cover was on the disc. But the dilemma I face now is that if I want to get the features, the director’s cut of the film, I will have to order it online from the U.S and be stuck with two copies of the film.
Which leads me to my original point, where is the incentive to support the local version of a product, when I can get the same thing cheaper, quicker, and in the case of the WATCHMEN blu-ray, a far superior version and more bang for my buck.
When I went to buy the watchmen today, I was also looking for the new double dipped version of 300 on blu ray, which the distributor’s are calling 300 – The Complete Experience, because from all the promotional material about the Watchmen blu-ray said that this new version of 300 is also on par when it comes to ground-breaking special features. Thank god I couldn’t find it, otherwise I would have bought it and most likely equally un-impressed.
So, I’m am going to order my 300 and The director’s cut of watchmen online.
What makes this even worse from an Australian customer, trying to support Australian product is that nothing has changed. This happened back in the DVD days. Three of the most popular and successful Australian Movies such as Crocodile Dundee 1 & 2, The Castle and Young Einstien had and have been available on DVD in the U.S.A for many years before they reached Australian shores with Young Einstien still not available even on DVD in it’s country of origin. Come to think of it, no Yahoo Serious movies are available on DVD let alone blu-ray.
So it looks like my Australian dollar is going overseas, At least I know what I’m getting. It’s one thing to point the finger at pirates as being the major cause of ruining the Australian film industry. But perhaps if they made their product as good as what is available overseas, or in the cases of classic Australian films such as Dundee, Young Einstien etc, make a decent effort to get them to the customer in the first place. So we don’t have to look elsewhere, and yes, this includes downloading.
Once bitten, twice shy.
The death of the king of pop, no matter where you sit on the fence about his private life was still a shock, it was even more of a shock that he was even 50 years old.
The child-like person, who had a Peter Pan outlook on life was a performer who would always put as much energy into a single live performance that I could only dream of in one year.
Finding out he died of a cardiac arrest doesn’t shock me, as I never saw him growing old, and this man’s body, even in it’s 40s would surely start to hurt after one of his intense musical workouts, but Michael was now in his 50s for god sake, and exhaustion would still come easy, no matter how fit one was.
Anyway. There are the fans, and the non fans, and then there is the ones who are in the middle, the ones that don’t necessarily like the guy, but can appreciate what he had done for the music world and his mark on popular culture.
Just the other day, I was in a local pub doing the music for a birthday bash, as it would happen I played a few Michael Jackson songs as a subtle tribute the dead singer.
As I cued up Billie Jean and Thriller I stepped out of the auditorium in which I was doing my thing to get a drink and some fresh air. To leave said auditorium I had to go through the bar area where all manner of people sat around and socialized. The place was filled with your typical tattooed biker looking like fellows, the rough sort of crowed that you would see in any of those Hollywood movies.
To my shock, I saw four burly fellows, tattooed and very blokey looking having a very in dept conversion, it was only as I passed them that I realized what they were talking about.
It was obvious that my Michael Jackson double shot not only could be heard through the pub, but sparked a conversation between this small group.
“….and Michael Jackson wrote it, and Quincy Jones produced it, and Quincy said that he didn’t want it on the album, told him it wouldn’t be a hit”.
I was shocked that they were talking about the un-blokiest man on the planet in a place where it usually is always sport and women and beer the major subjects of conversion.
Normally it would be Micheal’s run in with the whole child fiddling fiasco that would normally be the butt of this normal type of men’s jokes.
Blokey men would normally have found him guilty and convicted him regardless of what the actual courts found. But instead we have a bunch of guys, obviously speaking of Michael in a positive light, and appreciated what he had done for the industry but also had some insight in the life and career of the king of pop.
The loss of Michael Jackson, regardless of his personal life problems, can be seen to only only effect the die hard fans, but even the common man, or rather, Bloke.
Well, the news is out, scientists have actually formulated exactly how long the honeymoon period lasts. The answer is exactly: two years, six months and 25 days into a marriage.How did they come up with a figure like that, well it’s an average anyway which is good news, it could very well be more than that for some people but then it could just be a lot less for others. Scientist surveyed 5,000 couples, which I assumed were all English to create these honeymoon period statistics. The couples in question had all been married for over a 10 year period, of which half felt that they were undervalued.
London’s daily mail suggests that if the honeymoon period isn’t over by this time it is “definitely on its sickbed”. This is because that by this time, both parties within the relationship have become comfortable with each other and that’s where the problem lies. The husband gives up trying to be tidy and impressionable and becomes more relaxed which turns into him being lazy.
Statistics from the science world even go as far by saying that after just two years of marriage or a serious relationship the trusted tv remote control becomes less shared. The infamous battle for control of the TV was another sticking point, with 75 per cent of men and women saying they wouldn’t relinquish the remote control to their other half, even if they asked nicely.
The daily mail goes on to state that
“By the third wedding anniversary, 83 per cent of those surveyed said they couldn’t even be bothered to continue celebrating the date they tied the knot. ““Seven in ten men admitted they were so comfortable with their spouse they frequently left socks, pants and other dirty washing lying around the house. Even more – 79 per cent – confessed that they no longer bothered putting the lavatory seat down.”
Two thirds of the women polled said they no longer made the effort to dress up and look nice for their spouse, while 54 per cent no longer bothered wearing make-up. Some 61 per cent admitted that they stuck on comfy tracksuit bottoms or pyjamas as soon as they got home from work. During the first few months of marriage, 83 per cent of couples often held hands while out, compared with just 38 per cent after a decade. Partners would cuddle more than eight times a day before the first wedding anniversary – compared with five or fewer after ten years.
And 60 per cent of those surveyed said they hadn’t been surprised with a romantic night out since getting hitched.”
But how does it get from this, Judith Sills in her book “ A Fine Romance” says there is stages in a relationship of which the honeymoon period is part of.
The honeymoon period is basically the infatuation stage, this is the time where both parties are madly in love, the sex is great and everything you do is charming and endearing, even though both of you know, even though you both won’t admit it, most likely won’t last forever and the next stage within the relationship will evolved into the next logical one.
Judith breaks down the stages as follows:
The Selection – the time when you choose your partner The Seduction – when you date and decide if the relationship is worth continuing
The Switch – the uncomfortable period when the pursuer backs off just as the other partner responds The Negotiation – when you both acknowledge your differences
The Commitment – the final stage when you work things out and get marriedGoing all the way into a relationship – the commitment stage means being vulnerable and baring your soul being honest but sometimes not too honest too fast. To make a relationship work one must learn to communicate effectively but obviously be willing to compromise on most things, especially when the two once separate worlds, living environments are coming together to be one.
So what if he’s leaving the toilet seat up, at least he’s brushing his teeth and doing the dishes. It’s a start right?
The only way one could stay in a honeymoon like phase, is to either have a long distance relationship, which by default means there’s no way both parties will get too “comfortable” with each other as you both aren’t together long enough to see all sides of your partner and if anything, every time you caught up and reunited, it would feel like another new beginning.
Or, artificially restrict it, by doing all the opposite things just mentioned, by not communication, not being honest with each other and not allowing the relationship to blossom to the next serious commitment stage, ie, your actual future.
Bottling up problems or things that upset you about your partner or the relationship will only build and force some kind of negative explosion that could very well break the relationship up anyway.
The solution is this is, don’t worry about how long the honeymoon period will last, Couples need to find a good balance between feeling comfortable and taking each other for granted.
Just doing something like the odd romantic meal, or going out for a night would probably be all many couples need to spice things up a bit – and small gestures such as tidying up, and helping out with the housework would go a long way.’
The honeymoon period, or rather all the good parts of the honeymoon period can still happen. I feel saying I love you, or showing your appreciation to your partner for them being in your life does wonders.
A hug a day would no doubt keep the stresses away.
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